The Crazies: Cookie

First of all who calls themselves "Cookie"?  What a whoreish, fucking dumb name.  Cookie is a long time resident, divorced, single, retired, whiny, complainy and utterly fucking annoying.  Perhaps I should start calling myself muffin, or pie face?  I once knew a woman named "Candy" and she was a rotten whore too, but I digress. 

Cookie likes to sit out behind her condo unit and tan in the summers.  Now contrary to what you might be thinking, this isn't the usual type of tanning.  This is like old leather baseball glove tanning.  Animal hide tannery tanning.  She looks like a walking, weathered leather jacket.  Pretty sure she also uses some type of self tanner because her leather appears to be orange in color, or maybe it is just her horrible cheap-whore dyed red hair reflecting off of her leather, but it all gives Bob Cooper a case of the sads in his pants.

Cookie also enjoys planting flowers in the summer, but not just a container of flowers by her unit, no, no, no.  She likes to pretend she is damned P. Allen Smith on fucking PBS.  Except she isn't.  Cookie fucking sucks rocks at gardening.  We have a landscaper, and residents have suggested that he just plant the flowers around the property in summer since he actually knows what he's doing... but nope good ole leather face has to do it.  Leather face also goes to the most overpriced garden store she can possibly find to buy a couple of geraniums, petunias & a bag of dirt for $120.00. She doesn't give a fuck since she makes the association pay for it.  Clearly, she is a fucking moron, but that goes without saying since she lives in a condo.  This year the flowers looked like some real ass.  It might have been because of the drought, but I think they just shriveled up and died because they hated her.

If they do a remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre she can be cast in the role of Leather Face and they won't even need to do any make-up or costumes.  On Halloween she actually just sits outside her door sans costume with a bowl of candy & scares kids.