Patience is a Virtue
The housing market might suck, but not doing a background check or getting references & allowing a bozo to live in your condo could suck more. Some condos won't allow owners to rent, but the association here does. That brings us to the tale of Mulva. Mulva isn't her real name, but I've talked to her a bunch of times & still can't remember her fucking name. Anyhow, Mulva is the renting the unsellable unit next door. The owner moved out of state let the place sit on the market for 6 months & after zero offers allowed the fucko realtor to rent it & find a tenant (don't ever do this EVER- the dipshit realtor would've rented this place to a hobo in order to not have to deal with it. No commission=no caring). Somehow Mulva negotiated the rent amount down & it was way less than what the owner could've gotten if they'd had an ounce of patience. Thus Mulva is basically renting a place she can't afford. At first I questioned why? Why would anyone attempt to rent beyond their means? The answer is grifting. I actually have heard that she doesn't even make one rent payment, that she makes several installments a month. I've also heard her say things like 'they don't really need the money, as much as I do.' No, idiot they don't, but pay your damn rent. Fucking grifter. I bet she gave them some sorry ass sob story too.
The Reposession of a Honda Accord
Aside from not being able to afford her rent, she apparently also couldn't afford to make the car payment because a couple weeks after moving in her newer-ish car was repossessed. Heard from one of the neighbors that witnessed the repo- it was pretty much like those stupid repo shows on TV, lots of crying & pleading, but they took the car in the end. Mulva said she was only like 60 days behind in her payments, so they really shouldn't have taken it. You know, only 60 days... not sure what this woman spends her money on, but she is rather skinny, so maybe its crack.
Mulva has a boyfriend Baldy Jim- don't remember this dude's actual name either, but he is middle aged, baldy, has an affinity for gold chains & enjoys the music of Bone Thugs & Harmony http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMYAEHE2GrM. Based on the assessment, he appears to not be all that bright and is in some kind of handy-man-construction-plowing type business & he does hair on the side, but not professionally (to be honest I wouldn't trust someone to do my hair if they don't have much of their own, nor would I trust a fucko that has such horrid taste in music- wouldn't be surprised if he likes Nickelback too). Yeah, Baldy Jim is as awesome as you imagine him to be.
Back to the car- Baldy Jim helped her out and got her this sweet decades old Cavalier with like 200k miles. Sadly he couldn't afford to buy her a newer car since he is kinda married to someone else. And obviously she couldn't afford to buy herself a car- let alone pay for the one she had- so just con someone else into doing it for you. After a bit the shitty Cavalier thing got old & Mulva wanted something better, so she from time to time "shares" Baldy Jim's convertible (don't worry its a Chrysler & not impressive). Mainly she is sharing during those times when he & his car don't need to be back home with his wife.
The Cable Shim-Sham
Mulva can't afford internet, so she asked if Baldy Jim could drill a hole through a shared wall and put in splitter to share/steal the cable internet with the friendly neighbor who lives on the other side of her. The neighbor said "fuck no" so now, instead Mulva is hacking someone else's unsecured Wi/Fi here in condoville. Mulva said she 'just can't afford it, so she isn't a bad person for tapping into someone else's internet and stealing it.' No, Mulva you aren't a bad person. You're just an asshole.
P.S. lock down your network. Duh.
Dog Shit Shoe
Unfortunately Mulva has a dog. I love dogs, but I feel bad for Mulva's dog. She pretty much leaves home & asks the previously mentioned other friendly neighbor to feed the dog, let the dog out, etc- part of the grift. Mulva's dog also wanders the property unleashed, unattended & craps wherever. In a condo, you can't let your pets do that. But Mulva doesn't care. Nor does she pick up after it. I stepped in some dog shit today. Debated putting the smashed turd in her grill. Shit. Its what's for dinner.
Why Not to Trust Random Strangers
Mulva also found a new way to scam money from the owner of the condo. She tells them that things in the condo are broken (how would the owner know when they live over 1,000 miles away??) the owner offers to call someone to fix whatever for her. Mulva tells the owner she knows of someone to call to fix it & then gets Baldy Jim to do it for her for free. Baldy Jim charges the owner & they send him a check & he in turn gives the money to Mulva. The owner isn't stupid. Honestly they are successful, nice people, but their downfall is assuming that all people are good, that the world is made out of marshmallows and everyone is getting sunshine enemas. WRONG! The world has douchey people like this in it. I seriously think that Mulva is going to hell. Maybe not to rot, but like for a pit stop.
Mulva has 2 kids. I really, really don't even remotely know their names. I feel super bad for them because she cares more about herself first & foremost, then her dog, then boozing (maybe crack) & then Baldy Jim than whatever her kids are doing. Pretty sure the daughter will be on 16 & Pregnant soon. Hopefully her son has a dad or maybe a friend whose parents might take mercy on him & let him move in with them.
Whatever, Who Cares?
A condo isn't a free place where you can do as you please or whatever you want. There are a whole set of rules, regulations & bylaws that regulate your home life (kill me). If you are the slovenly type, especially with the exterior of your unit you will have a problem- because everyone who lives in the condo association will have a problem with you.
So Mulva has been advised to leash her dog, clean up after her dog, not leave her grill sitting out front, leave trash cans sitting outside, leaving coolers sitting outside, not leave a lamp sitting outside (for real a lamp). Mulva doesn't care. She said that when she lived with her parents at their condo prior to living here she had racked up almost $2,000 in fines for violating the rules. Yep, that is what happens in a condo, you fuck up, you get warned, then fined. Don't want to pay the fine? That's cool- the association will just slap a lien on your property.
The Moral of the Story
As much as I want to get the fuck out of my condo, and have considered renting it if it doesn't sell, it gives me pause. The owner who used to live next door is a first time landlord that didn't do any homework & have exactly what you don't want out of a tenant. Sure hope they got a security deposit, but bet they didn't.
- Do a fucking background check on any potential renter.
- Do not just rent your condo to the first piece of shit that comes along.
- Get some references for a potential renter.
- Pretty sure Mulva will be evicted and living in a ditch soon.
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